Here's hopin

Here's hopin that tomorrow goes just as well (and might I say, better) as I will have hoped.

Here's hopin that there are many more weekends just the like that one we just had.

Here's hopin we may all experience the success we all want, even if it looks like a failure in they're eyes.

Here's hopin you don't let that stop you.

Here's hopin that I cross that line with my legs still in tact next month.

Here's hopin you do too (Sara haha).

Here's hopin that not taking this whole 'school' thing too seriously will actually work out.

Here's hopin that this whole 'school' thing doesn't swallow up those who do.

Here's hopin that we don't forget to remember whats actually worth remembering...and forget what's worth forgetting.

Here's hopin we don't forget what we should remember, and remember what we should forget.

Here's hopin that didn't confuse you.

Happy Monday everyone,

Brian

Twice as nice

1. Ralph

I did it. I took the plunge. Two weeks ago I went to the Lawrence Humane Society and rescued a little 2 month old Lab/Shepherd mix named Ralph. Actually, his original name was Ricki but that's an awful name for a dog...or anyone for that matter. I had been wanting a dog for quite some time, and I figured now was as good of time as any. Admittedly, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. But I've always been a fan of not fully knowing what to expect, so of course I went with it and adopted a rambunctious, little punk of a dog. But I love him, and his motion sickness, and his numerous accidents, and his ripping up the linoleum floor, and his 3:45 AM whining sessions, and all that comes with being a puppy owner. It's an experience that is keeping me on my toes constantly...and I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

2. As promised...

I said I'd elaborate on a few things on the previous post (or was it the one before the previous?), specifically me teaching myself the piano. I have taken piano lessons, and I do know a little bit about music, but I still feel like I'm starting from scratch. That said, I'm kind of kickin ass at it...I couldn't tell you much about piano theory, or play you a diminished third (actually, yes, I think I could), or even tell you about the circle of fifths, BUT I don't really think I need to be able to do that stuff to make music. Maybe if I was teaching music, then I might need to know a little about it, but I'm not, so I won't waste my time. I'm in the process of making, or composing, something. It's all in the dome right now, and chances are it's not gonna make it to paper BUT what I've got so far is pretty tight. So yea, I think I'm well on my way to being able to tell people 'Hi. My name is Brian...and yes, I play the piano.' Chicks love that...right?

Brian

Don't push my...

...Buttons.

I was stumbling (cue drums) on stumbleupon *ba dum ching* today and found an article about one of the most used placebos in America.  Conveniently, I can't find the website so...sorry.

It talked about how we, as a Western Civilization, feel an entitlement, a feeling of empowerment, when we push a button.  We expect something to happen.  We press the doorbell button and it rings.  We push the 'up' button on the elevator and it lights up and acknowledges that we are wanting to ascend.  There's some physiological or psychological or something-rather process that goes on in our heads that actually gives us a sense of accomplishment when we press these buttons.

However, when it comes to certain things, the buttons are just there for our pure amusement.  Like the 'close the door faster' button in an elevator.  Due to some Disability Act of some sort, this button doesn't actually make the door shut any faster than it usually does.  However, when we push it, it seems to shut faster thus giving us the satisfaction of being in control.  Another example is the button on the crosswalk.  Something like 9 times out of ten, it's not gonna work.  Why's it there?  It probably did work at some point in the past, but now it doesn't and it wouldn't be cost effective to fix.  One last example it gives is the infamous thermostat.  Companies will go at great lengths to install fake thermostats in the offices to ensure their employees they're in control of their heat or cooling.  If they turn it because they're too hot/cold, they feel better, even though it literally did nothing to the actual heating/cooling unit.  But hey, it keeps them from complaining.

Not only is this an interesting story, it brings up a good point.  No matter how much you feel you're in control, you're not.  You might press that button, and the end result might happen, or at least it will feel like it did, but you really had nothing to do with it.  We press these buttons in hopes of it actually having an effect on our lives but the final product might not be as much of our hard work as we'd hope.  This isn't as depressing as it sounds.  It's just a nice reminder that while we do need to work on achieving what we desire, we need to remember there's other people out there that have much more of an influence on that final product than what we think.

Hey look.  I found it...

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2QkHks/youarenotsosmart.com/2010/02/10/placebo-buttons/

This...not that.

Man.  It's been a while.  Quite a bit has happened since I last typed something...anything.  Needless to say, I got alot to say. I'll spare the majority of the details or else this post would go for ever.  I just need to get something down to get me back on the 'blogger' straight and narrow.  So here goes...

1. My internship was not at all what I expected.  It was pretty disappointing actually.  But that's what you get when your boss (who shall remain nameless) is an-...I'll stop there.

2. I signed up for Netflix. It's gonna rock.

3. I moved into a new, much more conveniently located, duplex.  It's awesome.  Come check it out!

4.  Cross your fingers for me.  I'm trying to get a dog from the pound and haven't heard back from them.  I hope the application was approved...

5.  I'm trying to get in the habit of not buying anything at the grocery store contains things that A) a third grader couldn't pronounce B) I don't what it is and/or C) has more than 3-4 syllables.  The only exception is cereal.  Take my eyes but don't take my cereal.

6.  This kinda ties in with a recent post by Sara...People are suckers.  They fall into a trap of what's comfortable, or what they're used to.  Try as you may, some are just doomed to a life of repeated decisions.  But hey, you can't say we didn't try.

7.  All the kids came back to Lawrence this past week/weekend.  Classes start Thursday.  It's funny to watch all the what-I-assume-to-be Freshman.  They're so confident.  They're so bright-eyed.  They're so...blissfully unaware.  What I like even better, however, are the ads in the paper for dorm room accessories.  Does anyone else think those are completely ridiculous?  There's always some sort vintage music poster on the wall and the bedding, the lamp, the rug, and the shag chair all match perfectly.  WTF.  Seriously?  C'mon Kmart.  Let's get real then maybe you wouldn't have to shut down a store every quarter.

8.  Why did I just pick on KMart?  I don't even shop there nor do I know of the last time I looked at their ads.  Strange.

9.  I'm helping out a drumline again this Fall WOO WOO!  And I'm slowly teaching myself piano.

10.  I think that's about it. I'll expand on some of these items later.  Some, I'll just leave alone. 

Until next time,

Brian

O dear...

***First and foremost, I must warn you. This is written while, shall we say, 'under the influence'. But hey, it was wine night. What do you expect? You can't hold it against me. I just feel it necessary to give you, my loyal readers, a heads up. Take this post with a grain of salt, as they say (or five glasses of wine...actually, 4 glasses of Malbec and one very FULL glass of Pinot Noir..this did it for me. It's whatever you're in to). Enjoy.***



I need a business card.



I found out today that I, along with my bro' from another mo', will be giving a presention to a group of very important people about a world renown artist...or something like that. I'm not exactly sure who we're presenting to, or what we are even presenting about, but rest assured, we are basically a freelance ad agency.



So be jealous. I'm about to hit the big time. (more details to come...as they arrive).


***I just found this from a few nights ago. I thought the intro was awesome.

Polar

Given my previous post...I feel it necessary to post something a bit more, shall we say, up-beat? I clearly stated something I hate. So what is something I like? That's a dumb question to ask. It's an ice breaker at some sort of orientation that's usually followed by "Um...I dunno. I just like hanging out with friends and like, relax with my friends and watch Glee (or whatever new hip tv show you may be watching)."

So what is something I truly and thoroughly enjoy?

I'm not gonna say music because that's a given. If you know me, then you know my feelings towards music.

I got it. I like...no. I love...no. I would put my life on the line for (cue roll)...
...
.....
......
.........
............
................
...................

Wait.

Laundry is done.

SUCKAS

They See Me Rollin'...

***As a preface, this post is not meant to be uplifting...so if you're one of those 'look on the bright side' type of person, this may not be a leisurely read.***



I hate traffic.

I hate traffic lights. I hate stop signs. I hate other drivers.

I hate traffic.

Maybe it's due to my impatience, or my lack of optimism, but it is what it is. There is nothing fun; nothing enjoyable, about driving in traffic. I'm a completely different person when I'm behind the wheel. It's actually pretty terrifying. You can actually see my eyes turn to a deep, souless black as I buckle in.

Something about driving stresses me out. If I hit a red light, I instantly think "Man. This sucks. Could this light be any more inconsistent and biased against me?". If another driver is going slow, or is doing something I don't think they should be doing, I make it very apparent that I am not happy. Stop signs? They decrease gas mileage. I do stop, however. I can't afford a ticket BUT I still hate them.

I'm generally a very pleasent person outside the car, in every day life, so don't let this post fool you. Everyone has their pet peeve and mine is driving with idiots. There are times where I feel bad because maybe the moron behind the wheel isn't a moron at all. Maybe this person's situation warrants his lack of driving ability or general cognative activity. Maybe the wife is pregnant or maybe it's an emergency. These 'special occasion' scenarios do run through my mind as I fume with anger, but I figure that chances of them actually needing to drive like they're the only one on the road is slim to none. So they..can suck it.

Again, don't try to use some clever, positive, Mr. Brightside mentality on me. I'm set on my ways. I'm doomed to life full of mild road rage and empty, unwarranted rage to a complete stranger. It's not fair to them, no. But I don't care. Everyone should just read my mind and drive like I want them to. It shouldn't be that hard.

Wooooo sah....

There's the charm

I'm driving down 6th street here in town (Lawrence) and I see this guy coming up in the opposite lane in a tractor. Nothing special. Then I see he's standing. Why would a guy driving a tractor in the middle of traffice be standing up? Well you see, he was standing out of necessity because how else are you gonna adjust yourself effectively? That's right people...Farmer Jon was playing pocket pool in the broad daylight, in the middle of traffic, while on a rusted tractor.

God bless America.

On Love...

Gross.

I'm not exactly one to write on relationships but something struck a bit of a nerve tonight at work. It was horrifying. It sucked the hope out of everything good and decent. It. Was. Aweful. I couldn't help myself from staring. Here was this older couple (mid 50s) sitting together over a nice steak meal...and I mean nice. Steaks don't run cheap where I work. So yea, here they are sitting together over a meal and they are both ON THEIR PHONES! WTF? I understand if one of them glances at their mobile device BUT they were on their respective phones for at least 15 minutes straight, without so much as looking at each other. What a sh*t relationship. According to their server (my friend), that is the only basis for conversation. That's right. The pics and the GIF's and the LOL's on their phones were the only thing that sparked conversation among the two 'supposed' lovers.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO SOCIETY???

This 'lack of face to face communication' wasn't supposed to set in until the generation preceding me came of age. What happened to this relationship, that they had to resort to such a ridiculous device in order to keep their 'relationship' alive?

I'm not one to say.

BUT. I can say, with every confidence, that whatever they have going on is not love. If they have nothing to talk about...then so be it. If they are truly soul mates, then they should be comfortable with the silence. In fact, they should embrace it. They should know that the lack of verbal communication is not a slight to their partner, nor is it anything personal. It's an affirmation that they know they don't have to say a word, yet they know what each other is thinking. Maybe not word for word...but they have a general idea.

It's sad to think that such a couple, whom I'm guessing has been together for quite some time, have to resort to such tactics in order to escaper their reality. A solid relationship should be your escape from your everyday shinanigans that you find yourself in. Your significant other should be your safety net. It should not be an everyday struggle. I think this is why alot of couples split. They feel the pressures of outside influences (which may lead back to Proximity??--who knows) and think they need to make it work. Some say a relationship takes work. I say, if it's meant to be, the relationship is fine where it is...it's the individual that needs the work.

A relationship shouldn't be forced. It should form out of what the two individuals find most important. Whether it be communication, networking, and/or, where they see themselves in the future...a relatinship is only as strong as the weakest link.

I dunno...I just thought it was sad to see such a seemingly happy, old couple sit down to a depressing, reality-checking (is that a word?) meal.

I hope this doesn't happen to me...or anyone I know. Because this...this is a distortion of what a loving relationship should be. This is fake and destructive.

I'm not one to say what your relationship should be but this (this old couple) is not it.

Soooo....best wishes out there!

-Brian

Proximity (cont'd)

Ok. I got it. Your proximity determines you to a certain extent...and that extent is only to the point that you allow it to. Say you lived Arkansas. You grew up in a lower class family, a family that was less tolerant to other views. While you were growing up, you probably molded to those values. But then, once you grew up to your teens and were exposed to the outside world and all that it has to offer, you make a decision. You either alter those values that your proximity forged via your family and their values or you keep going with the 'norm' aka the way it's been your whole life. Once you reach a certain maturity, you make that decision and stick with it...until you feel like doing something differently. I think that makes sense. This is a process we're constantly going through and I think it's the basis of the want/need for change.

There.

Man...I don't even know if that made sense....

Dueces

Will Work for Food

Being poor sucks. As a college student, I had never felt the pinch of the penny until recently, particularly within the past few months. My first two years in school were cushioned with help from the parentals but now that I'm all grown up (as they say...some-including myself-may think otherwise) I'm left to my own defenses. I've never known what 'living paycheck to paycheck' feels like until now. Grocery shopping is a drag. I'm real hesitant to go out to eat unless I'm spending less than 8 bucks. Shoot, I've even made a list of cheap, yet healthy, foods. As depressing as this may sound though, I'm enjoying it. I want to see how I do. I'm interested to see the lessons I learn so if and when I strike it rich, I won't forget the struggle that will make all this nonsense worth it.

Ps. Still working on the 2nd part of "Proximity"...and by still working, I mean, I've hit a bit of a road block

On Proximity

Does proximity determine you, or do you determine your proximity? I use the word proximity because that's more of an 'umbrella' term for time, place, etc...the word location is too limiting. I ask this because it brings up some interesting points. Our proximity to things, to locales, to people determines who we are. One might even argue that it has a very heavy influence on your beliefs and values. That said, however, couldn't it be said that we reach a certain point where the tables are turned? By that, I mean, I think we all reach a point in our lives where we decide if we are gonna let this proximity, this intangible tie we have to our surroundings, hold us down. "Hold us down" seems a bit harsh. It's not necessarily bad to stick to your roots. It's just alot harder to leave your mark. I...think there's alot to be said about this, but I got to sleep because there's German material that's not going to study itself tomorrow morning. I'll be back to talk more...

For now,
Yours truly

Boop

I filled out an application for Sunflower Outdoor and Bike shop today. One of the questions asked me to tell them a joke. Now this is a company I see myself working with....

O yea, my joke was pretty simple. I just said Sarah Palin's chances of winning the presidency.

Adam and Sara-

It's a bit overdue but I feel it's better late than never...

And I probably coulda done this via pen and paper or face to face but c'mon...its 2010 yo!

First off, a big CONGRATULATIONS to Sara and Adam on taking the leap. You are now officially a happy couple that statistically has around 50 percent chance of ending in divorce..... But that's not gonna happen. You two can rest assured that you will, in fact, make it. For a gamble that only follows through half the time, you guys have managed to count the cards and walk away with the all the spoils. And here's why...

You two are the perfect opposites for each other yet those opposites complement each other perfectly. Adam- you're like me. You procrastinate. You don't get worked up over the small stuff. You sit back and think and relax and analyze and adapt. Sara- well...you're the polar opposite...haha. BUT it's not like that's a surprise. And for you, it works. Your lists, and your CAPS texts, and your over stuffed planner works for you and more importantly, it's balanced by Adams relaxed demeanor. If you two are thankful for anything in ya'lls relationship, Sara- be thankful for Adam's uncanny ability to read you, even when you haven't said a word, and make you feel like everything will work out fine...even when it might not. And Adam- count your blessing brother because those lists my sister insists on making will make your life SO much easier and organized.

Reason number two why you guys will be together forever: the people you've surrounded yourselves with. I had the privilege of meeting and interacting with your friends from school, icthus, and the Bluehouse. I forget who, but someone talked about the community you two create. He nailed it. You guys have an innate ability to draw quality people into your lives. I dunno how you do it but ya'll got it down to a science. And it's not just any people that are attracted to you two; they're, simply put, really cool, down to earth, people. I was amazed at how many people you two can truly consider close friends. That's something not alot of people get to experience. Like think of all the people eating the AMAZING Mexican food (sidenote-whenever your aunt cooks mexican food again for you two, I'm coming over for the leftovers..) at the rehearsal dinner. They were all within the title realm of 'best friend'. And there was ALOT of people in that room.

Lastly, and I hate to get all philosphical, BUT, you two not only believe in God and go through the process of going to church, give offerings, yadda yadda yadda. Don't get me wrong, those are all good and essential elements but you two take it a step further. You guys live your lives while keeping God in the forefront. The lessons ya'll learn in church and bible study are applied and utilized in your everyday life, a practice that's easy to say you're going to do, but actually going through with it is a different ballgame. You two do it effortlessly.

So yea...there's that. You two are great together. Don't let anyone say different. And as much as I may joke about you two being old and boring and married and stuff, please please please don't forget to have fun because once you stop having fun, your relationship becomes a chore instead of a blessing. You guys are with each other for a reason so get out there and create, or influence, or teach, or fix, or provoke, or whatever you do. Just do something. This relationship is an opportunity so make the most of it. I'm pretty excited to see what ya'll are capable of as a couple and I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say, once again, CONGRATS!

Love you both,
Brian

On thankfulness

Cynicism is a killer. Trust me, I know. It's ironic; I like to keep things in a realistic perspective. What's a 'realistic' perspective? Yea, I really don't know. To me, it has seemed to be along the lines of knowing something could always be better, or something could always go wrong...no matter how great the occasion is. After some thought, however, I've concluded this is not realistic. This is just depressing. It seems like keeping it 'real' or being 'realistic' has been skewed to the point of being cynical...and I hate cynicism. It's annoying and it's depressing and it sucks the life out of...life.

That sounded cheesy. But do you get what I'm getting at?

Take me for example this- My last post was about all the things mono had potentially ruined. Granted, it does suck and I'm going stir crazy because I feel fine, more or less, a little more tired, BUT I can't do anything because then my body shuts down for a day.

ANYWAYS...

I need to start looking ahead..to what's gonna be. to what could be...and stop complaining and start counting my blessings. There's alot out there that I can get pretty pumped about. I'm getting a brother-in-law..a very cool one at that. My sister's getting married (hence the brother-in-law). My cousin's getting married to a good guy. My other cousin is getting married to a, what I can only assume is a very nice, girl. (I really don't know her...at all. Like, not even her name. But he lives 3 hrs away so you can't hold it against me.) There's other stuff I could list off but for time's sake, I'm not.

I just think we could all be a little bit happier and/or optimistic in our lives. You don't gotta walk around with a smile on your face because those people are the worst. We should, however, approach things with a better attitude. For example, now. It sucks outside. It's the first day of Spring and its dumping up to 6 inches of snow on us. But it's Spring. It's gonna get nice, sooner or later and before I know it, it's gonna be Summer. Boom, optimistic attitude achieved.

This is by no means meant to be a self help post..because those things are B.S. One book, written by one greedy dude, can't fix your problems...but that's another post for another day.

"Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
-Conan O'Brien

Waiting ever so patiently

Yesterday I was diagnosed with a nasty little bugger called 'mono'. For those of you that don't know what it is, it's a virus that last FOREVER. Initial syptoms are sore throat, swollen glands, and the like. My right lymphnode was swollen to the point that I could barely swallow for two days. Then the 'acute phase' kicks in. This is where you're inherently worthless for a stretch of 10-14 days. Fever and major fatigue graces this two week stretch. Once that gem settles, you slowly recover for the next 2-6 weeks. Usually, the whole ordeal last about a month. Waiting for the storm of flu-like syptoms that is inevitably on its way can be compared to, o say, sitting in your room when you were little waiting, anticipating for the wrath of the parental units to make their presence known after you broke grandma's lamp. Anyways, here's what mono has complicated or ruined...

1. My fitness- Even once I start feeling better, they say I can't do any heavy lifting for 4, count 'em FOUR weeks, after symptoms subside. I was planning on getting back in the gym this week. Looks like that's not happening. This puts a damper on me training for the triathalon I plan(ned) on doing in June. Whatever..cardio isn't heavy lifting.
2. My education- My status as a student could be categorized as 'lack luster'. I don't need a sickness that promotes bed rest for days on end as another excuse not to do my work. I mean, I have tests, speeches, and projects due within the month. That and I'm almost a senior. I can't afford not to do well these last few semesters. Grabble grabble grabble...
3. My fundage- Cliche as it may sound, I'm a college student and I'm poor. I spend money on things that would fall under the 'want' side of the 'want/need' table that are way outta my range. Anyways, the only way this can be balanced out is my job. I called them today to break the bad news and they said,'well, that sucks. We'll take you off the schedule until the doctor says you're not contagious.' I can't financially go without a paycheck for a month without tapping into my savings which I really do not want to do since it's been dwindling o so quickly since the year started.
4. My 'wanting to do stuff in general'- It's starting to get nice out. The last thing I'll want to do is lay around all day while everyone else is basking in the sun. I guess I could pull up a lawn chair and zone out on the patio. I just hope I don't fall asleep and wake up 18 shades darker...although I am quite pale.
5. Lastly, My Plan- I had a plan. I can't disclose it, but it was a good plan. But now, because of mono, I can't go through with it until April, at the earliest. It was such an awesome plan and the timing would've been impecible (sp?). I guess I'll have to go to Plan B...whatever that may be.

So there it is. I needed to vent. Mono: suck it.

Go Long!...

"Hello. It's nice to see everyone again-O it looks like we have a new member. And what might your name be?"

"Uh..yea. Brian. Brian Shellenberger"

"Very nice to meet you Brian. Is there anything else you'd like to add?"

"Um...er-..yea. Uh, My-my name is Brian Shellenberger and I-I am not a sports fan."

That's right people. I, a 21 year old man (or young man), but man nonetheless, am not a sports fan. The little intro I came up is supposed to be like a support group, like AA, or drug rehab...just in case you didn't catch it. Clever, I know. Anyways, I know it may seem a bit blasphemous to modern day society, but it's the truth. I don't follow sports. I never have followed sports. And I never will. I like playing some of them but frankly, I have little interest in following them. I watch SportsCenter for the TopTen just as I read the newspaper for the Opinion section. I don't know what it is about em, I just can't keep interest in learning the latest poll standings, roster changes, or offensive coordinator transfer. Who cares? They're all gonna change in a year anyways, so why fill your mind with useless info that's going to be different in 12 months? Granted, I do follow KU Basketball a little since I do attend KU. I'd be crucified if I didn't. Also, I've always thought if (and when) I live in Europe, I will become a football (soccer to all you non-cultured Americans....just kidding. But seriously, that's what they call it so that's what Ima call it.) fan. Shoot, I'll probably be a football hooligan...maybe not. Soccer is a sport I've always wished I followed, just never have. But as for basketball, football, baseball (puke. baseball players-double puke), I could ultimately care less. I realize this puts me a bit on the outskirts of conversational topics among the 'bros' but who am I kidding?...I'm not your average dude....

I don't wanna grow up

Writing resumes sucks. I was never one to be super involved with things that my school offered. Clubs, organizations, groups- none of 'em really struck a big enough nerve to gain (and keep) my attention. This fact has never been more apparent than now, while I'm writing this stupid list of accomplishments that is my RESUME. (And yes I know the last 'e' is in italics but I don't know how to put a little smudge mark above it to make it an 'ay' sound, rather than an 'e' or silent 'e' sound) Granted, I have a work (w)rap sheet (sp?) that could rival in length Santa's naughty or nice list (I don't know why I used a Christmas reference there...nor do I know why I'm using so many parantheses. If it's distracting, you can stop reading. I fully understand.). I mean, I've held a steady job since I was 14. I've been....-this is me inhaling as much air as I can in order to say this in one breath-....a concessions worker, an after school counselor, a summer camp counselor, a drumline instructor, a drum teacher (only for a lesson, but made 20 bucks off of it. I got paid. It was a job.), a sales associate at GAP, a teacher for kids who couldn't read (no lie), a moving specialist (hardest manual labor ever), a house-boy at a sorority, a bus boy, a door-guy, and soon I will be serving and hopefully bartending. I may not have the best GPA, and I may or may not be in any clubs or organizations but I'm a worker and a good one at that, if I may say so myself. I've dealt with such a broad range of people, I'm confident I could be dropped in any crowd, and be able to connect with them on some sort of level.
So my question to my next employer is this 'How do you choose your employee? Do you solely rely on a piece of paper to decide your next financial investment...afterall, that's what an employee is. Or do you dig a little deeper. Do you look past the traditional shortcomings like GPA, involvement in extracurricular activities, and the like, and look to see what kind of person wrote that resume?....I hope they dig.
Maybe I'm just a little aprehensive because, let's be real, this economy isn't getting any better any time soon. I just hope potential employers look past the paper, past the ink, and find out who I am and what I've done..good and bad. Where's the section for that??

A lil som'm, som'm...

The Preacher-

and as i rose from the pew, the preacher caught me by surprise

he stared directly into my heart, he didn't bother with my eyes

he asked if i heard what he just said, it kinda put me in a bind

i said, 'im sorry pastor...i had an angel on my mind.'

O NO HE DIDNT!! O yes, I just did....

Wuh Oh...

I have a few things I wanna address...

1) I was caught off guard earlier tonight. To be completely honest, it kind of scared the hell out of me. I was filling out some stupid extra credit survey for one of my classes and a question came up that went something along the lines of "do you regularly attend a religious service (i.e. weekly to bi-weekly)?" There was a 'yes' option and a 'no' option. Instinctively I went for the 'yes' but then I caught myself. I'd be lying to myself if I clicked yes. WTF? When did this transformation happen? I rarely skipped a Sunday service and now, I can't, in good faith (pun unintended), click 'yes'. What happened? Who happened? What changed? It was humbling and it was a little scary. The thought of 'Man, I really need to find a church here in Lawrence' has always been in the back of my mind but it never materialized. In a nutshell, I put 'going to church' on a mental post-it and treated it as though it was as important as getting new drumsticks or sunglasses. I'd need it eventually, but it's not that pressing of an issue. When did I allow myself to put God in the back seat?

2) Somewhat similarly, I've noticed a trend amongst some of the kids I went to high school with. I'm not sure how to approach the topic so I may come off a bit...brash. Shocking, I know. I dunno if it's all a part of growing up, but it seems as though the cool thing to do nowadays is to find God. Girls who could be compared to the Plastics on MeanGirls (just saw that today mind you...) and Guys who would give the Jersey Shore boys a run for their money are now posting Bible verses as their statuses on Fb. I mean, I guess it's a good thing. It's never too late to accept God and rely solely on Him for His grace and mercy BUT....I can't help but to think that this is just another piece in their fake, shallow, little lives. For the sake of their, well, salvation, I hope this is the real deal but if history could tell me anything, it would show that this is, in fact, just not going to last. Finding God isn't 'cool'. It's essential. I hope they realize this.

ps. I promise I'm not an angry person. It's all cupcakes and kittens on this side of the screen...

24 minutes and counting....

The battery on my laptop says I have right around 24 minutes til it dies (give or take 10-12 minutes). I'm tired but don't wanna fall asleep quite yet so I'm writing.

Something I've noticed as of lately is a bit odd. I've noticed that I have a bad habit of looking a little angry when I walk into a place and I don't know anyone. I'm not proud of it...it's just something I've come to realize. Since when was it more socially acceptable to blankly look at someone as if they were a piece of sheetrock rather than smile and say hello? When did 'mean' become 'cool'. Granted, different situations call for different facial expressions. No one would walk into a funeral shining them pearly whites. Exceptions aside, it seems like I put on a front or a facade of toughness of some sort to avoid vulnerability when placed in unfamiliar settings. What if I dropped my guard and started to treat other people like actual, people? Looks like I need to work on my smile...