On thankfulness

Cynicism is a killer. Trust me, I know. It's ironic; I like to keep things in a realistic perspective. What's a 'realistic' perspective? Yea, I really don't know. To me, it has seemed to be along the lines of knowing something could always be better, or something could always go wrong...no matter how great the occasion is. After some thought, however, I've concluded this is not realistic. This is just depressing. It seems like keeping it 'real' or being 'realistic' has been skewed to the point of being cynical...and I hate cynicism. It's annoying and it's depressing and it sucks the life out of...life.

That sounded cheesy. But do you get what I'm getting at?

Take me for example this- My last post was about all the things mono had potentially ruined. Granted, it does suck and I'm going stir crazy because I feel fine, more or less, a little more tired, BUT I can't do anything because then my body shuts down for a day.

ANYWAYS...

I need to start looking ahead..to what's gonna be. to what could be...and stop complaining and start counting my blessings. There's alot out there that I can get pretty pumped about. I'm getting a brother-in-law..a very cool one at that. My sister's getting married (hence the brother-in-law). My cousin's getting married to a good guy. My other cousin is getting married to a, what I can only assume is a very nice, girl. (I really don't know her...at all. Like, not even her name. But he lives 3 hrs away so you can't hold it against me.) There's other stuff I could list off but for time's sake, I'm not.

I just think we could all be a little bit happier and/or optimistic in our lives. You don't gotta walk around with a smile on your face because those people are the worst. We should, however, approach things with a better attitude. For example, now. It sucks outside. It's the first day of Spring and its dumping up to 6 inches of snow on us. But it's Spring. It's gonna get nice, sooner or later and before I know it, it's gonna be Summer. Boom, optimistic attitude achieved.

This is by no means meant to be a self help post..because those things are B.S. One book, written by one greedy dude, can't fix your problems...but that's another post for another day.

"Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
-Conan O'Brien

Waiting ever so patiently

Yesterday I was diagnosed with a nasty little bugger called 'mono'. For those of you that don't know what it is, it's a virus that last FOREVER. Initial syptoms are sore throat, swollen glands, and the like. My right lymphnode was swollen to the point that I could barely swallow for two days. Then the 'acute phase' kicks in. This is where you're inherently worthless for a stretch of 10-14 days. Fever and major fatigue graces this two week stretch. Once that gem settles, you slowly recover for the next 2-6 weeks. Usually, the whole ordeal last about a month. Waiting for the storm of flu-like syptoms that is inevitably on its way can be compared to, o say, sitting in your room when you were little waiting, anticipating for the wrath of the parental units to make their presence known after you broke grandma's lamp. Anyways, here's what mono has complicated or ruined...

1. My fitness- Even once I start feeling better, they say I can't do any heavy lifting for 4, count 'em FOUR weeks, after symptoms subside. I was planning on getting back in the gym this week. Looks like that's not happening. This puts a damper on me training for the triathalon I plan(ned) on doing in June. Whatever..cardio isn't heavy lifting.
2. My education- My status as a student could be categorized as 'lack luster'. I don't need a sickness that promotes bed rest for days on end as another excuse not to do my work. I mean, I have tests, speeches, and projects due within the month. That and I'm almost a senior. I can't afford not to do well these last few semesters. Grabble grabble grabble...
3. My fundage- Cliche as it may sound, I'm a college student and I'm poor. I spend money on things that would fall under the 'want' side of the 'want/need' table that are way outta my range. Anyways, the only way this can be balanced out is my job. I called them today to break the bad news and they said,'well, that sucks. We'll take you off the schedule until the doctor says you're not contagious.' I can't financially go without a paycheck for a month without tapping into my savings which I really do not want to do since it's been dwindling o so quickly since the year started.
4. My 'wanting to do stuff in general'- It's starting to get nice out. The last thing I'll want to do is lay around all day while everyone else is basking in the sun. I guess I could pull up a lawn chair and zone out on the patio. I just hope I don't fall asleep and wake up 18 shades darker...although I am quite pale.
5. Lastly, My Plan- I had a plan. I can't disclose it, but it was a good plan. But now, because of mono, I can't go through with it until April, at the earliest. It was such an awesome plan and the timing would've been impecible (sp?). I guess I'll have to go to Plan B...whatever that may be.

So there it is. I needed to vent. Mono: suck it.

Go Long!...

"Hello. It's nice to see everyone again-O it looks like we have a new member. And what might your name be?"

"Uh..yea. Brian. Brian Shellenberger"

"Very nice to meet you Brian. Is there anything else you'd like to add?"

"Um...er-..yea. Uh, My-my name is Brian Shellenberger and I-I am not a sports fan."

That's right people. I, a 21 year old man (or young man), but man nonetheless, am not a sports fan. The little intro I came up is supposed to be like a support group, like AA, or drug rehab...just in case you didn't catch it. Clever, I know. Anyways, I know it may seem a bit blasphemous to modern day society, but it's the truth. I don't follow sports. I never have followed sports. And I never will. I like playing some of them but frankly, I have little interest in following them. I watch SportsCenter for the TopTen just as I read the newspaper for the Opinion section. I don't know what it is about em, I just can't keep interest in learning the latest poll standings, roster changes, or offensive coordinator transfer. Who cares? They're all gonna change in a year anyways, so why fill your mind with useless info that's going to be different in 12 months? Granted, I do follow KU Basketball a little since I do attend KU. I'd be crucified if I didn't. Also, I've always thought if (and when) I live in Europe, I will become a football (soccer to all you non-cultured Americans....just kidding. But seriously, that's what they call it so that's what Ima call it.) fan. Shoot, I'll probably be a football hooligan...maybe not. Soccer is a sport I've always wished I followed, just never have. But as for basketball, football, baseball (puke. baseball players-double puke), I could ultimately care less. I realize this puts me a bit on the outskirts of conversational topics among the 'bros' but who am I kidding?...I'm not your average dude....

I don't wanna grow up

Writing resumes sucks. I was never one to be super involved with things that my school offered. Clubs, organizations, groups- none of 'em really struck a big enough nerve to gain (and keep) my attention. This fact has never been more apparent than now, while I'm writing this stupid list of accomplishments that is my RESUME. (And yes I know the last 'e' is in italics but I don't know how to put a little smudge mark above it to make it an 'ay' sound, rather than an 'e' or silent 'e' sound) Granted, I have a work (w)rap sheet (sp?) that could rival in length Santa's naughty or nice list (I don't know why I used a Christmas reference there...nor do I know why I'm using so many parantheses. If it's distracting, you can stop reading. I fully understand.). I mean, I've held a steady job since I was 14. I've been....-this is me inhaling as much air as I can in order to say this in one breath-....a concessions worker, an after school counselor, a summer camp counselor, a drumline instructor, a drum teacher (only for a lesson, but made 20 bucks off of it. I got paid. It was a job.), a sales associate at GAP, a teacher for kids who couldn't read (no lie), a moving specialist (hardest manual labor ever), a house-boy at a sorority, a bus boy, a door-guy, and soon I will be serving and hopefully bartending. I may not have the best GPA, and I may or may not be in any clubs or organizations but I'm a worker and a good one at that, if I may say so myself. I've dealt with such a broad range of people, I'm confident I could be dropped in any crowd, and be able to connect with them on some sort of level.
So my question to my next employer is this 'How do you choose your employee? Do you solely rely on a piece of paper to decide your next financial investment...afterall, that's what an employee is. Or do you dig a little deeper. Do you look past the traditional shortcomings like GPA, involvement in extracurricular activities, and the like, and look to see what kind of person wrote that resume?....I hope they dig.
Maybe I'm just a little aprehensive because, let's be real, this economy isn't getting any better any time soon. I just hope potential employers look past the paper, past the ink, and find out who I am and what I've done..good and bad. Where's the section for that??

A lil som'm, som'm...

The Preacher-

and as i rose from the pew, the preacher caught me by surprise

he stared directly into my heart, he didn't bother with my eyes

he asked if i heard what he just said, it kinda put me in a bind

i said, 'im sorry pastor...i had an angel on my mind.'

O NO HE DIDNT!! O yes, I just did....

Wuh Oh...

I have a few things I wanna address...

1) I was caught off guard earlier tonight. To be completely honest, it kind of scared the hell out of me. I was filling out some stupid extra credit survey for one of my classes and a question came up that went something along the lines of "do you regularly attend a religious service (i.e. weekly to bi-weekly)?" There was a 'yes' option and a 'no' option. Instinctively I went for the 'yes' but then I caught myself. I'd be lying to myself if I clicked yes. WTF? When did this transformation happen? I rarely skipped a Sunday service and now, I can't, in good faith (pun unintended), click 'yes'. What happened? Who happened? What changed? It was humbling and it was a little scary. The thought of 'Man, I really need to find a church here in Lawrence' has always been in the back of my mind but it never materialized. In a nutshell, I put 'going to church' on a mental post-it and treated it as though it was as important as getting new drumsticks or sunglasses. I'd need it eventually, but it's not that pressing of an issue. When did I allow myself to put God in the back seat?

2) Somewhat similarly, I've noticed a trend amongst some of the kids I went to high school with. I'm not sure how to approach the topic so I may come off a bit...brash. Shocking, I know. I dunno if it's all a part of growing up, but it seems as though the cool thing to do nowadays is to find God. Girls who could be compared to the Plastics on MeanGirls (just saw that today mind you...) and Guys who would give the Jersey Shore boys a run for their money are now posting Bible verses as their statuses on Fb. I mean, I guess it's a good thing. It's never too late to accept God and rely solely on Him for His grace and mercy BUT....I can't help but to think that this is just another piece in their fake, shallow, little lives. For the sake of their, well, salvation, I hope this is the real deal but if history could tell me anything, it would show that this is, in fact, just not going to last. Finding God isn't 'cool'. It's essential. I hope they realize this.

ps. I promise I'm not an angry person. It's all cupcakes and kittens on this side of the screen...

24 minutes and counting....

The battery on my laptop says I have right around 24 minutes til it dies (give or take 10-12 minutes). I'm tired but don't wanna fall asleep quite yet so I'm writing.

Something I've noticed as of lately is a bit odd. I've noticed that I have a bad habit of looking a little angry when I walk into a place and I don't know anyone. I'm not proud of it...it's just something I've come to realize. Since when was it more socially acceptable to blankly look at someone as if they were a piece of sheetrock rather than smile and say hello? When did 'mean' become 'cool'. Granted, different situations call for different facial expressions. No one would walk into a funeral shining them pearly whites. Exceptions aside, it seems like I put on a front or a facade of toughness of some sort to avoid vulnerability when placed in unfamiliar settings. What if I dropped my guard and started to treat other people like actual, people? Looks like I need to work on my smile...